were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
