The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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