If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
