everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
