he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
