I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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