We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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