Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
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