Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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