Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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