I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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