The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
