my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
It's no shave November. This is our time.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
