The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
