she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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