I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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