the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
