I've blown a few things in my day
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
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