doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
