exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
