i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize