i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
