Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
