I was born with a shot glass in my hand
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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