Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
