I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
