i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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