I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize