I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
May the power of my ass compel you!!
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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