I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
