I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
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He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
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I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
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