This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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