I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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