My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
My cat gives me a boner
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
