Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
