So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
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No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
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I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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