xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
