Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Even my vagina gasped.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
