you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Someone came in the potted fern
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
