once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
