im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
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