Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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