Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
