My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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