I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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