ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
either way he was missing a nipple.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
