Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
