Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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