i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
