hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
