i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
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