Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
