I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
