What did we do last night that was yellow?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Ketchup is God's man juice
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
