is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
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Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
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By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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