i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
