I can tuck mytits in my pants
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
