if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
