The maid of honor just puked.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
