yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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