Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
