I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
