you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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