Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
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