You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
