i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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