Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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