I like my sex mixed with concussions.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
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I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
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i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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