Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
