Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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