Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
